Thursday, September 26, 2013

Remembering "Twice the Blessing"

This morning I got up and got the twins off to school.  They are finally getting pretty good about putting together their own clothes the night before and getting ready on their own.  That is so helpful!!  Even doing their own hair!!  That also means they are growing up on me :(  It is "think college Thursday" at their school so Natalie chose to wear my Texas Longhorns t-shirt.  She tied it in a little knot with a pony tail holder and felt like her fashion statement had been made.  Gillian wanted nothing to do with the college theme day so she chose her "I win some, You lose some" t-shirt and some shorts all bedazzled with cute bright prints and jewels.  Off they went looking cute as can be.  I crawled back into bed with Sophie who was sleeping soundly and I watched her sleep.  The precious look of a toddler sleeping with their eyes closed and mouth open is priceless.  I could hear her breathing in and out and smell her sweet breath.  I remember doing that with the twins.  That is when I could actually catch them sleeping at the same time. ;)  Seems like just yesterday.  That was 9 years ago!!  Well 6 when they were Sophie's age.  Still I can't believe how time has flown by.  I look back and realize I cannot remember a whole heck of a lot about the twins being 3.  Makes me a little sad.  Times were just so chaotic back then.  I had 2 little vibrant and energetic girls running in opposite directions in the house and it was all I could do to attempt to keep up with them and keep them out of trouble and harms way!!  I can look at pictures and that brings back memories.  They now love looking at those pics with me and talking about what they were up to at the time.  How Natalie never smiled until she was about 3.  How Gillian always had this goofy smile on her face and these crazy curls that never quite fell right.  We laugh and laugh.  These are my memories of that time with them.  Stories of me telling them how busy they kept me and how I never had my hair done, the house was always a wreck,  and I had to shower with them looking at me with the curtain pulled back.  I was never alone.  I did work during that time.  So I guess that was my get away.  But coming home from work and picking them up from their Grandmother's house was always a joyful time.  They were so excited to see me.  I wish I could go back to that time, knowing what I know now and make sure I stayed calm and patient and didn't get overwhelmed so that I could take the time to pay attention to every detail of their little exciting lives.  I am grateful now that I can do that with Sophie.  I remember every detail of her life since she was born.  I have made sure to really just stay calm and soak all of this in.  I take tons of pictures of her and have since the day she was born.  I love being able to stay at home with her.  I wasn't able to with the twins.  Yes, we could certainly use the extra income, but this time is priceless.  She will be my last child.  I will never again have a 3 year old that is learning to talk, learning the ABC song, running around for no reason just giggling her little head off and waving her chunky hands in the air.  This time I am doing it right..that's what I tell myself.  This is the way I wanted to do it with the twins but never had the chance.  I remember going to the grocery store with the twins and I couldn't use a shopping cart because I couldn't get both of them in there in their carriers and still have room for groceries, so I would just take them in their double stroller which had a pretty big compartment in it and put my things in there.  Every isle I went down had some lady that would stop me and ask if they were twins.  Me in my messy hair tied up in a bandanna and my thrift store clothes and flip flops would think "are you kidding me right now, no I just had 2 babies years apart and they are exactly the same size!!!  REALLY??"  LOL.  I used to get so annoyed by that!!  I was exhausted.  Not mean, just very, very tired.  And it made for a very LOOONNNNGGG trip to the grocery store.  But every person that ever stopped me to look at them told me I was given "twice the blessing".  At the time I laughed inside and thought to myself, "yeh..haha..twice the LACK OF SLEEP!!"  Looking back now, I can finally say that they were right.  It was twice the blessing.  I had 2 beautiful, healthy babies that loved me.  Some women would give their right arm just to have one child.  Those annoying old women were right on.  And here I am now with a 3rd little blessing.  Thank you God for every moment of chaos, for every tear I shed locked in the bathroom, for every time I got thrown up on during Natalie's colic days, for every night I stayed up all night feeding and rocking and singing, for every sickness they got that I nursed them through, for every sickness I had that I never thought I would make it through without the rest I needed to get well.  Thank you God for my 3 little blessings.  I must have done something right in my life to deserve this.  And to all of those women who I gave a tired dirty look to when they wanted to see the miracle I was pushing along, I am sorry for not being more hospitable.
My little blessings

Daddy looking a little frightened!!

this was the first time I took them outside.  They had jaundice so I had to bring them outside as often as I could

Gillian dressed in up in my clothes

Natalie in Daddy's cowboy hat

I think they were about 2 here

The twins holding Sophie in the hostpital