Monday, October 14, 2013

Losing My Gut While Gaining my INSANITY!!: Meltdowns Galore! What fun!!

Losing My Gut While Gaining my INSANITY!!: Meltdowns Galore! What fun!!

Need a Prayer...Feeling like Debbie Downer

I am feeling so guilty about how much this IC is affecting my life right now.  I am in severe pain due to the cystoscopy I had done on Tuesday.  I knew it was going to be hard for a couple of days but that was 6 days ago!!!! My family is having to do everything and I feel like my husband is so unhappy because of this.  I feel like he doesn't think I'm doing my part around the household.  I know that is not how he feels in reality but my mind is going crazy with guilty feelings!!  All I can say to him is "I'm so sorry baby".  This has been such a long and severe recovery that I called the doctor today to find out if this is normal or if I need to be seen again.  She said that my bladder is probably just so damaged that it was super sensitive to the procedure and the distillation they did during.  She prescribed me some Valium hoping that they would calm the muscle spasms in that area.  I pray that it works.  I have physical therapy on Wednesday with her and I cannot imagine PT with this pain.  Also, procedure could have caused an infection to develop so now I have to drive 40 mins. to the office to leave a urine sample as soon as I can get to feeling well enough to get out of the house with a 3 yr old.  And all of these meds are not good to drive on.....GRRRRRR  I just need some prayers guys!!  If you have a chance...send one up for me.  Thank you

That's my you guys

Day 4!!! 30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge!!

Here is Day 4 of my 30 Day Challenge:
 This one was tough because it made me think a lot about how my IC has effected my family and friends.  By the way, I consider my friends to be the amazing and supportive people I have met through social media with all sorts of chronic illnesses and the great group of people I have met since I have started blogging.  I can't say I have many real friends that are in my everyday life outside of Facebook, Instagram, and here.  A lot of them just kind of faded away because I can't get out and do their "nights out at the clubs" or their little parties.  I have a few, yes, but not as close as the relationships I am developing here.  My husband, children, brother, and parents are my best friends and always will be.  I'm happy with that!!

Here's my Mama!!  I could so use one of her big beautiful hugs right now!!  Love you Mama

The Sunshine Award

Hi there!!  Welcome to my silly little Real Life as Lauren Blog!!  I like to write about my day to day experiences with my chaotic life, my 3 young girls, and my chronic pain illness called Interstitial Cystitis.  Mostly my family life and how I feel about things we go through.  I was nominated for The Sunshine Award by my sweet dear friend Shalunya @
I feel tickled pink about being nominated!!  Please go check her out.  
She posts about anything from everyday life to makeup and beauty.  
She does amazing reviews of products you can find 
anywhere!!  I love reading her posts!! 
The Sunshine Award is given to those who inspire us and 
bring Sunshine into our lives.

There are a few simple rules for the Sunshine Award:

1. Include Award Logo in or on your blog post
2. Link to the person who nominated you
3. Answer 10 questions about yourself
4. Nominate other bloggers to give this award

Ok, now here is my Q & A!!

1.  How long have you been blogging?  Why did you start?

I just started blogging at the beginning of September of this year.  I had always wanted to try it but never felt like I had anything interesting to blog about!!  I have always loved keeping a journal so when arthritis hit my right hand I thought I would turn journaling into blogging!!  And as a chronic illness patient with Interstitial Cystitis, this gives me an excellent form of therapy to get through my struggles.  I love it!!

2.   Where do you get your inspiration from?

I think my inspiration comes mostly from my heart.  I tend to just vent a lot!!  I let it all out!  If I can't do it here...where can I do it?  I also have gotten inspired by many of the bloggers I have met along the way.  I've met so many great, beautiful, and inspiring people.  Maybe one day I can turn it into a means of financial income or put it all into a book!!  I have always wanted to do that!

3.   What is your dream job?

Wow..I think my dream job has always been to be a hair stylist.  I worked as management in the industry for 11 years before I had children.  I absolutely loved the atmosphere and the people I would come across every day.  Very interesting people :)  The job itself was fantastic.  If I could go back, I would have gone to Cosmetology School and given it everything I had and become the best stylist the stars could pay for!!  I would be great at it!!

4.   If you could date any celebrity, who would you pick?

Hmm....That's a tough one!!  I don't think I would date him, I would love to spend a day with Paul Rudd.  He just seems so laid back and fun.  He's cute and funny...what more can you ask for?? I loved him in Wanderlust!!  He is just adorable in every way!!  Don't you think so??!!

5.  If you could be on any TV show what would you be on?

I would love to be on Survivor!!  I have seen every episode of every season since it started.  Although, my IC would probably not allow for that!!  Ha!  I can just imagine me with my terrible pain trying to be on Survivor!!  But if I was totally healthy that is what I would do!!  Big Brother has always been one I wanted to be on too.

6.  What is your favorite season for fashion?

Definitely Fall!!!  I love wearing scarves and boots and the laid back, comfy, yet trendy looks of fall fashion are just my style!

7.  What is on your Christmas Wish List?

I could think of a million things!!  I really want some new fall clothes now that I have posted those pictures!!  I would love a new phone.  But mostly I want to be able to go to Georgia and be with my family at Christmas.  It's been 3 years since I have spent Christmas with them.  I miss them so much and my Mama's cooking.  The smell of their house is so comforting.  After all I have been through, I really just want to see my Mom and Daddy.

8.  Foundation, Eyeliner, or Mascara?

Wow, I guess I have to pick one.  I suppose it would be foundation.  I have pretty dry skin and it gets really red in spots so I love to use a creme to powder foundation on top of a good moisturizer.  Then I feel more confident in myself.  But you have to at least have some mascara too!!

9.  What's your favorite color?

Blue.  But I mostly wear gray, black, and pink.  I couldn't just pick

10.  How did you come up with the name for your blog?

I wanted my blog to be just about my life.  It started out as just a journal, really.  And my life is not perfect by any means.  It is REAL!!  So my blog is!!  Simple as that!!

Ok...Now for My Nominations!!!  Drumroll..........

         1.  Kristan Price
       2.  Sandy Ramsey  
       3.  Marisa H. 
4.  Sara Green   
  5.  Sarah Layman
6.   Betty Taylor

There you have it!!  You have all been nominated for The Sunshine Award!!!  Now answer these
questions and do your own nominations!!  Have fun and congrats!!  You have all been an inspiration to me!!


1. Tell us about your blog in one paragraph.

2. What is your most favorite and least favorite thing about blogging?

3. You're having a fabulous dinner party. Which three celebrities would invite and why?

4. You are giving a motivational speech to a captive audience of thousands. What are you speaking about?

5. Tell us three really random things about you.

6. For one month, your blog can only be read by men. Give us a small sampling of what you'd write.

7. Show us a silly or quirky picture of you from when you are younger.

8. Does your immediate family and your close friends know that you blog? Do they read your blog?

9. Generations after you've passed your grandchildren discover your blog. What lessons could they learn from your blog?

10. Five years from now, are you still blogging? Is your content still the same? What goals have you achieved?

Have a Wonderful Day!!!

Friday, October 11, 2013

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge

I came across this idea on Instagram and thought I would give it a go.  I have been in extreme pain since my cystoscopy and this whole IC thing wears me out and makes me anxious and depressed sometimes.  Well this blog has been a huge method of therapy for me and I'm so glad I'm doing this.  This challenge is a 30 day challenge to think about your feelings both physically and emotionally and put it all down in writing and out of your already scattered mind.  I am posting Day 1 and Day 2 today because I didn't get to post yesterday's because I was just feeling too bad. 

Please understand that I realize that there are many of you that will find this boring and may take this as me being a whiny little woman.  However, my illness has changed my life.  I live with chronic pain and it does not go away.  I cannot just forget about it and move on.  This is how I am coping with it.  I also realize there are some of you who are also suffering from illnesses and pain or have someone in your life that is.  I hope you can benefit some from this challenge.  You could even join in if you would like!! goes!!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Cystoscopy Today

Today I had my cystoscopy done for my Intersticial Cystitis diagnosis.  I feel ike CRAP!!!!  The procedure itself wasn't bad.  They gave me lidocaine and I felt no pain.  I have some pretty severe inflammation and irritation in my bladder.  I am proud and so happy to say that there is no cancer!!  That has been the only other thing that has not been ruled out yet.  I've been a bit worried about that.  Now I can enjoy the relief of knowing that is not a worry anymore.  IC is incurable but I can deal with it with the hope of different treatments over time bringing relief.  At least it is not life threatening.  I am thankful for that.  Well treatments start on Friday and weekly after that.  Treatments will be expensive but we will find a way to get through it all.

I'm in a lot of pain now so I'm keeping this short.  All in all I am glad I got it done and over with and I'm feeling good about having a treatment plan, FINALLY!!  It's been a long and painful road.  Both physically and emotionally.

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Too Much Drama for This Mama!!!

I woke this morning with puffy eyes and a stuffed up nose.  Yep...classic side effects of a good hard cry the night before.  Last night I truly got my heart broken by the person I have called my best friend.  This all goes back to my post about my Halloween costume planning.  My friend, who I call Dazzle, has a huge blow out Halloween party every year.  She is the party queen.  She plans with diligence.  She spends lots of money on them.  She is selective on invites.  She is very precise about how she wants things done and goes all holds make all of her party plans come to life exactly the way she wants them to.  After meeting her at her Christmas party last year, we developed a friendship.  A good one.  Telling each other our secrets and venting about our husbands and all.  We helped one another get through tough times with laughter.  She invited me to join her "elite group of friends" in their annual Redneck Diva Party earlier this summer.  Sure, I felt so good being invited.  I have not had many girlfriends in the past and I was thrilled that she wanted me to join their apparently very tight knotted group of gals.  We had fun and afterwards Dazzle and I just became closer and closer.  I loved having what I called a best friend, other than my husband and Mom for the first time in many, many years.

Back to the Halloween Party...Every year she has a theme for her "elite group of friends" to all coordinate their costumes to for the "big unveiling" at the beginning of each party.  This year it is The Wizard of Oz.  When she asked me to be the wicked witch of the east, I was so excited!!!  First of all, I don't get out much.  Not without the kids anyway.  We rarely go to parties.  I have chronic pain that keeps me home much of the time and we just aren't into finding babysitters to pawn our children off onto while we go out very much.  We love to sit and watch TV together as a family and my husband and I love our comfy house and time together and not spending money on parties and nights out too often.  Going to dinner means all 5 of us go to dinner!!  We are a family!  This Halloween party, however, was on the top of my To Do list for months!!

Yesterday, I went and bought all sorts of stuff for my costume and my husband's as she had asked him to be The Wizard.  I took pics and put them up on our group message for every one that was in the costume theme to see and let them know I was excited about putting it all together.  Well, quickly I was messaged via the group message and then via text that I my husband could not be Oz, that Dazzle's mother was going to be oz "don't you remember?"  One thing I had gotten for my hubby's costume was a wizard looking beard and mustache.  She told me "Oz, didn't have a beard anyway silly!!" "Maybe he could be a munchkin"  Well that all ticked me off a bit but whatever.  No biggie.  Then I told her about the things I had gotten for the girls as she had told them they could use her old costume pieces to dress up their Halloween costumes.  She even dressed them up herself when she told Nathan he needed to be Oz.  Face paint and all....the girls were so excited!!  So when I told her about the additional things I had gotten she said "well as long as we understand that you have to give the things back then it's ok".  This struck me as a bit of an accusation that I would not return her stuff.  I told her that I hoped that she knew that I would, of course, return her things in perfect condition and that the girls were just so excited about using them as she had told them to their faces that they were more than welcome and I appreciated her lending them to my girls.  Her reply was "That is fine, I have been screwed in the past on lending so now I'm straight up about the terms of the borrow."  Terms of the borrow??????  Excuse me, but I thought we were friends talking about a couple of kids wearing old pieces of costumes you had stuffed in your wardrobe closet, not a financial loan!!!!!!!!!  That just blew me to shreds.  I felt insulted.  I told her I would just handle the girl's costumes myself it was that big of a deal.  I felt like if something went wrong and her precious garments were not in perfect order upon return of borrow,  I may be arrested!!

 It just got messier from there.  She couldn't seem to understand why I felt insulted and hurt and I couldn't understand why she was being so snooty about a party and some costumes.  I'm just a very laid back person and I know she can be extremely uptight.  Her comments got more and more rude.  She said things like "I let you into my circle of friends and this is how you repay me?"  and "I don't need this sh*t".  She said that I had started putting my costume together way to late and everyone else had been planning theirs for months!

Well, I cried all night long over this crap.  I know this is all one sided and may seem silly and petty to you but I feel like I lost a friend last night and it hurts.  I realized the kind of person I need as a friend is not that kind of person.  It was a huge reality check for me and now I have to go do more shopping!!  LOL.  Anyway, it just all struck me as so silly for this to all be such a huge deal to her. It's just Halloween for crying out loud!!!  It's supposed to be fun!!!  Well she made it SCARY!!!

There's my rant...thanks for listening!!