Monday, September 30, 2013

Reuniting With Old Friends. Great Day!!

Back in the day, 13 years ago and pre children, my husband and I were young party animals.  We were everywhere everynight it seemed.  We had tons of friends that we would get together with at clubs and shows all the time.  Well as we all know, time passes, we grow from kids to adults and marry and start families.  Life happens!!

Yesterday we had been invited to a good friend's 40th birthday party.  Him and his wife are really awesome people and we went to show our love.  Now my husband had seen the birthday boy in the last year once or twice, but I had not seen these people in over 10 years!!  I knew there would be other old friends that I hadn't seen in that long as well.  We have all kept in touch on FB and some on Instagram but hadn't actually seen each other in a decade.  I was so excited!!  But once it came time for me to get myself and the 3 girls ready, I was terrified!!!  Butterflies in the stomach and all!!  I have terrible anxiety as it is and the thought of seeing these people face to face just put me in full on panic mode!  What do I wear?  Some of these people are all much more successful than we are!  They have all heard stories of our rocky times in the past.  What would they think of me? of my kids?  Well I said SCREW IT!!  I put on a pair of skinny jeans with tears in them and a Ramones tank of my favorite outfits...and I was comfortable.  The kids dressed in their usual cute fashions and Nathan, well he looked just like he always does, casual and very handsome.  Off we went.

We had such a blast!!  Food was wonderful and there was beer and wine but no one got hammered.  So it wasn't a crazy, loudmouthed, stumbling atmosphere at all.  After all, we're all adults now, hitting 40 or quickly approaching with multiple children and a few wrinkles.  LOL.  I remember laughing so much.  It felt wonderful to be surrounded by these loving old friends and talking about our changing lives and mostly our children.

We left the party after promising each other that we would get together much more often and even plan ladies nights out and make the men watch the kids!!  Lord knows I need that!!  Anyway it was a wonderful time for everyone.  The kids had a blast and I am so glad that we went.  It's funny how nervous I was and how comfortable I was the moment I set foot in the door and was greeted with an abundance of hugs!!  Love these guys!!

Friday, September 27, 2013

Interstitial Cystitis Awareness and my True Care Experience.

As I have said in previous blogs, I have been diagnosed with IC.  Well I haven't had the greatest experiences with doctors helping me.  They all tend to pass you off when it comes to an IC diagnosis.  Finally, after about a year and a half, and finally gaining health insurance, I was able to visit a specialist that is perfect for my condition.  I went to a UroGynecologist.  I had been to see a Urologist but that experience was not pleasant.  She was rude and quick to get me out of there as she seemed very busy.  It seemed like I was not important and she was too busy so she sent me to a Physical Therapist.  That experience was also not comfortable.  The therapist herself was wonderful.  However, my pain increased each time I went.  I stopped going to her.

After visiting a couple of websites geared towards Interstitial Cystitis such as  and other sites, I was directed that I needed to see a UroGynecologist.  They seem to be the only doctors that truly specialize in Interstitial Cystitis.  They are hard to find, however.  I managed to find one about 40 mins. from my house so I quickly made an appointment.  After a wait of about a week and a half, only because of my husband's work schedule and needing him to be home for the kids, I was able to see my doctor.  The experience was AWESOME!!  First of all she was young and attractive with no accent that I could not understand.  Her age was a concern at first because I wanted to make sure I had a doctor that had plenty of experience.  But quickly I learned that she really seemed to know her stuff.  She spoke in doctor lingo to her assistant who was taking notes on the lap top and then translated everything to me so I understood it clearly.  After a PAP and exam which were not as uncomfortable as others that I have had, she asked me a pleathura of questions about my symptoms and went over what she had discovered in her exam.  I just remember feeling so comfortable and taken care of.  I felt cared for for the first time since all of this began over 2 yrs ago.  We have a treatment plan now.

I have to do a voiding diary for 2 days and record when and the amount.  Pretty strange but whatever.  I have to keep eliminating "trigger" foods that are bladder irritants one by one until they are all out of my diet.  This will allow my body to heal some and then I can start to add foods back into my diet one by one and find out exactly which foods are triggering my pain and other symptoms.  In 2 weeks I have to have a cystoscopy.  This is when they will put a camera into my bladder that will determine how bad the condition is.  From there we begin real treatment.  I am looking forward to moving on with all of this.  I know that this is incurable but I also know that there are forms of relief that will bring me some comfort.  This is what I have been waiting for.  Care.  True Care.

Sorry if this is a little too much information on the personal level, but that's what my blog is about.  My real life.  Well, this is it!!

love to all

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Remembering "Twice the Blessing"

This morning I got up and got the twins off to school.  They are finally getting pretty good about putting together their own clothes the night before and getting ready on their own.  That is so helpful!!  Even doing their own hair!!  That also means they are growing up on me :(  It is "think college Thursday" at their school so Natalie chose to wear my Texas Longhorns t-shirt.  She tied it in a little knot with a pony tail holder and felt like her fashion statement had been made.  Gillian wanted nothing to do with the college theme day so she chose her "I win some, You lose some" t-shirt and some shorts all bedazzled with cute bright prints and jewels.  Off they went looking cute as can be.  I crawled back into bed with Sophie who was sleeping soundly and I watched her sleep.  The precious look of a toddler sleeping with their eyes closed and mouth open is priceless.  I could hear her breathing in and out and smell her sweet breath.  I remember doing that with the twins.  That is when I could actually catch them sleeping at the same time. ;)  Seems like just yesterday.  That was 9 years ago!!  Well 6 when they were Sophie's age.  Still I can't believe how time has flown by.  I look back and realize I cannot remember a whole heck of a lot about the twins being 3.  Makes me a little sad.  Times were just so chaotic back then.  I had 2 little vibrant and energetic girls running in opposite directions in the house and it was all I could do to attempt to keep up with them and keep them out of trouble and harms way!!  I can look at pictures and that brings back memories.  They now love looking at those pics with me and talking about what they were up to at the time.  How Natalie never smiled until she was about 3.  How Gillian always had this goofy smile on her face and these crazy curls that never quite fell right.  We laugh and laugh.  These are my memories of that time with them.  Stories of me telling them how busy they kept me and how I never had my hair done, the house was always a wreck,  and I had to shower with them looking at me with the curtain pulled back.  I was never alone.  I did work during that time.  So I guess that was my get away.  But coming home from work and picking them up from their Grandmother's house was always a joyful time.  They were so excited to see me.  I wish I could go back to that time, knowing what I know now and make sure I stayed calm and patient and didn't get overwhelmed so that I could take the time to pay attention to every detail of their little exciting lives.  I am grateful now that I can do that with Sophie.  I remember every detail of her life since she was born.  I have made sure to really just stay calm and soak all of this in.  I take tons of pictures of her and have since the day she was born.  I love being able to stay at home with her.  I wasn't able to with the twins.  Yes, we could certainly use the extra income, but this time is priceless.  She will be my last child.  I will never again have a 3 year old that is learning to talk, learning the ABC song, running around for no reason just giggling her little head off and waving her chunky hands in the air.  This time I am doing it right..that's what I tell myself.  This is the way I wanted to do it with the twins but never had the chance.  I remember going to the grocery store with the twins and I couldn't use a shopping cart because I couldn't get both of them in there in their carriers and still have room for groceries, so I would just take them in their double stroller which had a pretty big compartment in it and put my things in there.  Every isle I went down had some lady that would stop me and ask if they were twins.  Me in my messy hair tied up in a bandanna and my thrift store clothes and flip flops would think "are you kidding me right now, no I just had 2 babies years apart and they are exactly the same size!!!  REALLY??"  LOL.  I used to get so annoyed by that!!  I was exhausted.  Not mean, just very, very tired.  And it made for a very LOOONNNNGGG trip to the grocery store.  But every person that ever stopped me to look at them told me I was given "twice the blessing".  At the time I laughed inside and thought to myself, "yeh..haha..twice the LACK OF SLEEP!!"  Looking back now, I can finally say that they were right.  It was twice the blessing.  I had 2 beautiful, healthy babies that loved me.  Some women would give their right arm just to have one child.  Those annoying old women were right on.  And here I am now with a 3rd little blessing.  Thank you God for every moment of chaos, for every tear I shed locked in the bathroom, for every time I got thrown up on during Natalie's colic days, for every night I stayed up all night feeding and rocking and singing, for every sickness they got that I nursed them through, for every sickness I had that I never thought I would make it through without the rest I needed to get well.  Thank you God for my 3 little blessings.  I must have done something right in my life to deserve this.  And to all of those women who I gave a tired dirty look to when they wanted to see the miracle I was pushing along, I am sorry for not being more hospitable.
My little blessings

Daddy looking a little frightened!!

this was the first time I took them outside.  They had jaundice so I had to bring them outside as often as I could

Gillian dressed in up in my clothes

Natalie in Daddy's cowboy hat

I think they were about 2 here

The twins holding Sophie in the hostpital

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

I do it all!! Now do your part!! Clean up after yourselves!!

Today I took my husband's new bmx bike frame 30 miles away to have it powder coated.  He buys a new frame then pays to have it painted.  lol.  Anyway, I come home after my errands and the kitchen and living room are just filled with cans and bottles and bowls and cups.  I'm thinking, hmmmm.....I have a 38 yr old who I'm pretty sure is capable of cleaning up after himself.  I have 9 yr old twins which I believe are also capable of the same thing.  Heck my 3 yr old does a better job of it!!  What is with these people??  Do I have MAID written on my forehead????  Maybe I just have STUPID written there!!  Why does the kitchen counter have to collect everything?  If you finish a bottle of water or a can of soda or a beer....WHATEVER, put them in the recycling!!  Or the trash for all I care!!  Just stop leaving them there for the lady with STUPID MAID written on her forehead!!!  Geez!!  Sorry, I just had to vent.  Thanks for listening!! :)

Ps....I honestly think I'm nuts.

Monday, September 23, 2013

My Weekend: New Van, October Fest, and Football

So I have been waiting all day to write this post.  I've had lots of errands to run.  First I had to get Sophie and I ready, which as you moms know is never a fast task!!  Then it was off to the library to print a return label on a pair of shoes I had to return.  Then to UPS to ship, post office to mail off something else, then house cleaning and laundry.  I've been feeling a little better the last couple of days.  Glad to be able to get some things taken care of.  I hate the feeling of having so much to do and not being physically able to get it all done.  It's so stressful.  Ok..onto my weekend..

Gillian waiting to get in to have some fun!!
Natalie hugging Sophie
We had so many things going on this weekend.  My best friend invited us to October Fest.  She also wanted us to come to hang out with her at the Chili Cook Off she entered into at the State Fair (which opens up this weekend!!).  Another friends birthday party was at a bar type place 45 mins away.  There was also a BMX event on the other side of the city going on.  Well needless to say my physical condition does prevent me from doing things a lot.  So we decided not to overdo anything.  Yes, I was feeling much better than I had been in the weeks past.  I wanted to take advantage of that and get out and play.  I also didn't want to wear my body out and live to regret it afterwards.  So we opted for the October Fest event.  It seemed the most kiddo friendly.  We had a blast!!
Me and My Girls
The girls got to ride several rides and we all had a wonderful experience!!  Do not be fooled, however!!!  If you have never been to an October is much like the fair, EXPENSIVE!!!  After a couple of hours we had to say enough is enough.  One Brautwurst was $8!!  So we opted to leave and go grab some lunch more on our budget.
Me, my husband, and my best friend, Michelle
After a much needed nap, we got a call from a guy that we had called inquiring about a van.  If you have read my blog, you know we've been looking for one.  He originally told us he would not come down on his price.  Well, much to our surprise, he called and said he would take what we were willing to offer!!  So now this mama has her a van!!!  

We love it!!  It's been so long since I have driven one that I forgot how wonderful they are for a family of 5 like mine.  I have room and so do the girls.  It runs great and the kids think the seats are super comfortable!  VERY IMPORTANT!!  lol.  No more cramped compact car.  And no more single car household!!  Felling very blessed.  

Sunday we were all tired and I was hurting again, pretty bad.  We decided to skip the Chili Cook off and just be lazy and watch football.  After all, what's better than a lazy football Sunday??!!  My hometown Falcons lost :(  But our Dallas Cowboys pulled out a win!!  Bout time!!  Turns out my husband bet lunch on the other team winning so he had to buy his buddy lunch today!  I hope he doesn't make a habit out of that!!!  He's not very good at it!!

Happy Monday Everyone!!

Friday, September 20, 2013

Young People and their Drug Addictions.

My niece is 22 and has a 2 yr old son.  Baby Daddy isn't the father of the year by any means but I think he tries.  He is fully present in their lives.  Or he was anyway until he got caught and taken to prison for a felony warrant that was several years old.  Well he has been in prison for a few months and we try to help out my niece as much as we can.  She is currently living with her Grandmother with her son.  She just got fired from her job for cussing out her boss.  I this point you are all thinking.."good Lord, what a mess"!!!   lol...I couldn't agree more!!  But we love her and do our best to help.

Lately we have been getting calls every other day almost for money.  $20 here, $40 there for groceries and gas to go visit Baby Daddy in prison.  Whatever, we help.  Well this has just become too often and we have been questioning what she is really up to.  She is skinny as a rail.  I mean SKINNY.  Not thin like women dream of being, but hunched over bones poking out and bad skin skinny.  Unhealthy.  She says she eats.  I call BS on that one.  I am also aware that she has pain when she gets her menstrual cycle and sometimes is prescribed pain medications from a doctor when she can afford to go to one.  She has no insurance.

Well the other night, we were talking about her needing money and it came out that she has been addicted to hydrocodones for many years.  So badly that she takes 2 of the highest possible mg pills at a time just to keep from getting sick.  So now I know where all of our money has gone.  It bugs me because she does have a young child to care for and they do need food.  But how much can I "enable" her???

I know all about the drug addiction thing.  It's run deep in my family.  I'll tell you more about all of that later.  I know that an addict will ALWAYS do whatever it takes to get their fix.  I know an addict will always put their drug before anyone or anything.  Need to pay the electric bill?? NO WAY MAN!!  I need my pills now!!!!  My aunt gave me $40 to go to the store!!  Man, but I really do need those pills, or that coke or crack, heroin, or whatever the drug of choice is.  It will always go to the drugs.

She called just a little while ago asking for $20 and we had to say no.  I just can't support it anymore. But I feel guilty and just pray that that little boy is getting what he needs.

What are your thoughts and opinions on the subject?

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Car Shopping Frustration!!!

We are looking for a used mini-van.  Being down to one car in a family of 5 isn't easy.  My husband takes the car to work all day and I have to plan doctors appointments and school events around his schedule.  Also my errands all have to be ran after 5 when he gets home.  So I am praying that we come across something good very soon.  We had one guy with a great van and a great price lined up to check his van out tonight.  Well all of the sudden he wants to go to the DMV with my husband who works all day and can't take off to do something like that!!  He wound up sounding really sketchy and we decided it was not even worth the hour drive it would take to go look at it.

It is tough trying to look for a car when you have crap for credit!!  Going through craigslist can be risky.  And the dealers all have already tacked on their own profit into the price of the vehicle.  Pray for a great family van for the Smith Family!!!!  I need to get out of this stinkin house and take Sophie to the park!!  This looks nice :)  I'll take one!

Just some info on IC that I found on my friend Barbara's page.

Click below to find out more about Interstitial Cystitis (IC). click below to find out more about Interstitial Cystitis (IC)


So today as I sit in bed with my heating pad AGAIN!! GRR!!  I am making use of the time to put together my plan for the big Halloween Party we are going to next month.  There are nine of us that are getting together with the host to do The Wizard of Oz theme.  Everyone has their assigned  This host is pretty particular on who plays who and how our costumes look.  You should see her house during holidays.  I went to her Christmas party this past year and it was amazing!!  I cannot imagine how much money she has spent over the years on decor and party planning.  Her entire garage is strictly party supplies.  She is darn good at it though and her Halloween party is rumored to be the biggest of the year.  I'm excited!  And a night out with no kids!!!  YIPPIE!!

My assigned character is the Wicked Witch of the East.  I've been trying to put together things I need to buy and make in order to pull this costume off.

1st priority:  Ruby Red Shoes.  I looked online and found I would have to pay about $35 to $45 after shipping just for those!!  No way I say!!  I'm making them myself!!  I think some thrift store shoes and some red shoe dye with fine red glitter or red sequined fabric or sequin strips should work nicely.

2nd:  Black and White Tights...they have those at Party City for $5.99.  Check..I can do that!!

3rd:  The house that fell on me.  Found some ideas on google for this.  Time to get to work.  I think the 2nd one is my goal.

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Twins, ADHD, and the Battle Between the Two.

Well, as I have said I have twin girls that are now 9 yrs old.  They are in the 4th grade this year!!

They are fraternal twins.  Natalie has the fuller cheeks.  Gillian is on the left in the two bottom pics.  They are nothing alike.  Polar opposites of each other.  They have always been close though.  They fight a lot but I guess that's normal for any siblings.  Especially these two.  See there is a huge difference between these two sweet and beautiful little twinsies.  One has severe ADHD.  And a learning disability due to it.  It has been a nightmare.  Her sister makes straight A's and the other one just can't keep up with it all and is failing in one class and nearly failing another.  She is in the special needs program at her school.  They help her with things like extra time for work and taking her out of the regular classroom to go to a class room where it is just her and the special education teacher to help her catch up on work and help her with things she is having trouble understanding.  Luckily I think it's helping her out some.  

Natalie is the one with ADHD.  I just worry about her so much.  She lacks confidence sometimes because her sister gets all the awards at school and Natalie finally got one at the very end of last year for citizenship.  She has to visit her psychiatrist montly and that keeps her from attending school during those days.  She sees her sister do so well and everything coming so easy to her and meanwhile she struggles to read simple books.  She gets so frustrated and down on herself.  Around the house is another battle.  The way her little brain works 90 miles a minute just won't allow her to do most tasks when she is told.  She is constantly being distracted and singing and dancing all over the place.  Playing dress up instead of cleaning her room.  Then when reminded..she says "oh yeh, i'm so sorry mama" and gets back to it until the next distraction about 5 mins. later.  She also lies and blames things on her little 3 yr old sister trying to get out of trouble.  Discipline doesn't work.  It only makes her upset and down on herself.  She just doesn't ever seem to understand why she gets into trouble.  It's like her brain isn't registering it.  I get angry, my husband gets overwhelmingly angry, and she just feels like she is the "worst kid ever".  It brakes my heart.  And poor Gillian gets stuck picking up the slack after Natalie hasn't finished cleaning and has to go in and finish her chores.  And don't get me started on getting ready to go anywhere!!!!!  It is constant..Natalie get your shirt on, Natalie put on clean panties, Natalie that's the shirt you went to bed in, put on your clean school shirt that I laid out for you.  Natalie brush your teeth.  Yes baby I like that story too but you need to brush your teeth so you don't miss the bus.  Natalie do this. Natalie do that.

Sometimes I wonder if she honestly hates her sister for not having the same problem.  I just hope she grows out of this in the coming years and learns to cope with it better.  I love that kid to death.  She's my baby girl and always will be.  Full of kindness and compassion.  Always offering to help me with anything when she sees that I am in pain.  And she is GREAT with the 3 yr old, Sophie!!  She loves to play with her and includes her in everything that she does.  It's beautiful to watch.  It's my mission to help this kiddo out as much as I can.  I just have to keep telling myself and my husband that poor behaviors are not because she is a bad kid.  They are mostly because of her having this special little fast moving, creative little brain that she has.  Her ADHD is just one little part of Natalie and I love all the parts of Natalie as much as I love all the parts of all of my family.
Marching Band!!

Monday, September 16, 2013

Painful Day.

I have had a very rough month with my IC pain.  Today I feel like giving up.  I'm sitting in my bed under my heating pad as usual for this time of day.  I need to be up cleaning and interacting more with my daughter.  But I just can't.  My pain is at about a level 8 right now.  The stabbing pains that I get periodically are constant this morning.  They aren't stopping.   I've taken all of my medications and they don't even seem to work anymore.  I am feeling a range of emotions. 

 I feel anxiety.  I have so much to do and want to do and this pain and urinary frequency keep me from doing so many things.  

 I feel sad.  Why is all of this happening to me?  Why do my daughters have to see their mother sitting in bed so often and getting grumpy because the pain has worn her out?  I am only 36 years old!!!  This should be a healthy time in my life when I can enjoy doing outside activities!!  I used to enjoy riding my Schwinn beach cruiser around with my family who all love to ride bmx.  We would all go to the skate park together or for a ride around the lake.  Not anymore.  I can't even make it to the end of the street before I get shooting pain in my pelvic area.  

I feel ANGRY.  I want my life back!  I can't have a sexual relationship with my husband.  Well not a good one anyway.  I try to just as I like to put it "sacrifice" my pain so I can make him happy as often as I can on better days.  He is very supportive but I know it's not exactly what he had in mind when he married me.  We had a great sex life and now it's once a week if things are feeling ok.  Mostly, it's once in a blue moon though.  He makes remarks sometimes, which I know are meant as a joke, but they hurt.  I want him to feel fulfilled and happy.  But the pain that follows is nearly unbearable and worsens my constant pain for days.  It's almost like: Ok I'm going to have sex today but I will be bedridden for the next 4 days.  What do I have planned for those days?  It's miserable and frustrating.  

I feel under cared for.  It's terrible going from doctor to doctor to find help and having them look at you like this is all in your head and having them tell you they really can't help you.  The urologist I went to even told me it was pelvic floor dysfunction, which I am sure it's not.  She sent me to physical therapy and that just made the pain worse.  My current doctor did diagnose it as IC and referred me to a UroGynecologist. They tend to specialize more in the pelvic floor conditions including IC.  But I have been bleeding for a month and waiting until that ends so I can make an appointment with them.  I just want to find someone that understands my pain and suffering.  Because I am suffering and so is my precious family!  

God, I just want to scream!!  The pain is so bad!!  As tears roll down my face, I can only pray at this point for God to ease this pain.  Lead me to someone who can actually help me.  Give me the strength I need to get through this day.  And the ability to understand why I am going through this.  I know you have a purpose for this.  

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Friday, September 13, 2013

STRIDER Balance Bike

Living with IC

I found this interesting and thought I would share:

To Flu or not to Flu??

I'm finally getting to write this after reading about 6 books to my 3 yr old Sophie.  She is so funny, telling me after every page "Mama, you're silly" while she smiles with her little hand tucked behind her head and her blonde curls going everywhere.  Took this picture last night while we were having some alone time and I was getting some cuddles.

I'm bothered today.  Yesterday I took 2 of my children to the pediatrician.  One for some mosquito bites that had been picked at and had become infected and the other for her 3 year well check.  When I stopped at CVS to get the prescriptions filled I decided to get a flu shot as my insurance paid for it in full.  I thought why not.  I'm waiting on the pharmacists to fill them anyway, so I'll take care of this while I am here.  I have only ever had 1 other flu shot in my life and that was during my pregnancy with my 3 yr old.  After that shot I had no side effects at all.  Felt great and I was happy that I was protecting my daughter from the flu.  
Well yesterday after I had my shot I let my husband know that I did that and he made the decision to do it as well on his way home from work.  Well last night we both started having flu like side effects.  And I mean every side effect you can have we had.  We both felt like crud!  And neither one of us slept well.

Well this morning he is treating me like absolute crap.  He's the worst when it comes to being sick.  GRUMPY!!!  But this morning it was different, like he was mad at me.  So it turns out he blames me for him feeling bad and getting the shot was a bad idea.  Then I see that he is posting on facebook all of his rants about why no one should get the flu shot.  It just made me feel so bad.  I got mine because I have 3 kids that 2 of which are in the public school system and are always bringing home illnesses and they just spread all over the family.  Last year the whole family got the flu and the twins missed a week of school.  My husband missed a week of work and we got way behind on our bills.  I chose to get my shot to try and prevent all of that this year.  Yes, I felt like crap last night and not too much better today but I know that I am protected and so is my husband.  I did it for my family.  Now I just feel like with all of the comments on his post that all of the anti-vaccine people made that everyone knows I did something terrible and made him do it too.  No one backed me at all.  I want to cry.  

And to top it all off, my husband sold his truck so now I have no car anymore!  AND my hairdresser cancelled my haircut appointment while Sophie and I were half way there on our walk to the salon down the road!!!  GRRRRR....  

So, dare I ask??  What's your opinion??  I'm covering my eyes if I get any comments on this one!! LOL

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Video editing and the rest of my crazy day!

Well, today I started my day with finishing up the editing of my video.  My husband bought a GoPro camera and I am learning how to edit the videos and make them into a movie and add music.  It's pretty fun stuff!! It's taken me a while to learn it all and work through the kinks of the different editing software available. I'm in no financial shape to pay for any fancy software so I finally just found that Windows Movie Maker was the best for me.  And I think I did pretty darn good for a rookie!!  You can check it out here if you would like.  I'll put the youtube link below for ya.  It's all bmx videos of my husband and all the girls at the local skate park and on our trip to Colorado.  I personally just adore it!

My day kind of went nuts after that.  I tried posting it to FB and they took it off for copyright violations!!  It's MY VIDEO!!! Anyway, I had that fixed and it's there now so my husband is happy so he can show his buddies.  Score 2 points for Mama Lauren!!  Woot Woot!!  My mom called to let me know about the condition of my nephew and during the conversation my 3 year old , Sophie, who cannot stand me giving my attention to the phone, completely ruined the conversation and I had to let her go early.  I hate that as she lives far away and I miss her so much.  Then shortly after that my Dad called.  Well sweet little Sophie did the same thing there too.  Starving for attention?? She gets my attention ALL DANG DAY LONG!!!  Why can't I have 10 minutes to have an adult conversation??  Because I'm a mom, that's why!!!  Price we pay, right?  We can't talk on the phone or pee in privacy!!  haha!!

Next up was doing my cleaning for the day.  Did as much as could in the pain I am in.  Until I got my foot wrapped in the vacuum cord and fell on the floor.  WHAM!!  Now I have back pain to add to my list of pain ridden body parts.  Bleh.  

Does anyone else ever feel like they just want to run and hide??  I think my life is comical in a way but sometimes it is just too much to take!!  I know I am so blessed, let's not ever forget that, but don't we all have days when it's just too much?  I'm just tired of hurting constantly.

My video...check it out and tell me what you think!!

my first movie 1

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Putting off cleaning. Need some prayers for my nephew.

Well I am hurting too bad to clean up right now.  My sink is full of dishes from last night and this morning and I just can't seem to stand long enough to get it done so I'll do this for a bit.  I'll tell you a little about my afternoon.  I gave Sophie a bath and did my make up.  Didn't shower but oh well.  I must sound lazy but it's just one of those dang days.  Sophie is playing and I can hear her talking with herself in the next room.  I love that.  She has started talking so much.  Smart kiddo.  I think the treatments for pain are working some.  However it will be some time before I get full effects.  Patience, Lauren!!  And I fell in the bathroom last night so now my back hurts on top of everything else.  Just my luck!!  Sophie is having a blast talking to herself.. haha.  She really is a trip.  I love that kid.  The twins should be home in an hour and a half.  That gives me a little more time to attempt cleaning again and enjoy more quiet time before the real chaos begins.  I feel happy today!  Feels good to say that :)  

On a totally different subject, I found out last night that my nephew has been cutting himself and then yesterday his teacher found a picture he had drawn that was extremely disturbing.  He's had a rough childhood.  He's 15 now.  Well he is in the hospital now being treated by psychiatrists.  If you pray please pray for him and the family.  He's a precious kid with a huge heart.  Just needs some positive guidance right now.  That's a tough age he is at.  I remember feeling so alone sometimes.  I love him so much and this just brakes my heart.  

Well I better get to those dishes and the laundry before my husband comes home and gets pissy.  See I told you I was not a perfect housewife!!  If you know of one, let me meet her!!


Intro to me

Well hi there!  My name is Lauren and I am a mother of 3 girls.  9 yr old twins and a 3 year old.  I have a wonderful husband who I love dearly.  My life may seem perfect as I realize that I am truly blessed.  However, as we all know, no life is perfect.  I have my own problems as everyone does.  I set up this blog as a way to talk about it all and get it out as I tend to bottle things up and then it just explodes and I look like a crazy woman!!  I have always kept journals so this seems natural.  Now having people actually read these is a little unsettling.  But here we go.  I don't even know if these will be read.  In that case I have a new way to keep a private journal!!  It's a win win for me :) 
     I think of myself as a good mother with a lot to learn.  I think of myself as a good wife but not a perfect one.  I'm not Donna Reed or the perfect housewife.  I am emotional. I am a little crazy.  I lose patience.  I laugh at things that are sad sometimes.  I cry for no reason sometimes and that feels wonderful.  I get extremely overwhelmed as a mom and wife ALL the time and then get mad at myself for it.  But yet I am very proud after all that I have been through to be where I am now and I think I am doing a good job at what God has given me to do.  I do my best and that's all I can do right?  
     Ok, here is my medical issue.  Well I should say issues.  I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and have had that since being a teenager.  I have recently been diagnosed with chronic pelvic pain syndrome and interstitial cystitis.  The pelvic pain started during my pregnancy with my 3rd child who was a very large baby.  It progressively got worse and about a year and a half ago it became so bad that I could not get out of bed. The pain was constant and I finally decided I had to seek treatment.  With no insurance and not much extra money as we are a single income household, that was not an easy road to go down. After starting out with an OBGYN at a low cost clinic and ruling out a couple of possibilities for the pain, she suggested surgery.  I decided to get a second opinion and found myself at another clinic that was able to send me to get a low cost ultrasound of my pelvic area.  Everything came up normal there.  They told me I could possibly have IC. Interstitial Cystitis for those of you who are not familiar is a chronic bladder condition that is hard to diagnose and hard to treat.  It is also incurable. Anyway I will refer to it as IC throughout this blog.  Well after a year and a half of going to doctors and emergency rooms with no insurance I was just forced to manage the pain only.  I have noticed that doctors do not like dealing with IC.  They are all very quick to pass you on to someone else.  And when you ask for pain medications they look at you like a drug addict.  That was frustrating to me because I really was in extreme pain and there was nothing anyone could do about it.  I had cut out a lot of bladder irritants but the pain pretty much hung around through everything I tried.  Finally a year later we were able to get insurance through my husbands company and I went to see a urologist who told me I could possibly have IC but it may also be pelvic floor dysfunction.  She sent me to a physical therapist.  I am in the beginning stages of that process now.  No relief so far :(  My primary care doctor who was also treating my anxiety told me he was sure it was IC and to go back to the urologist and request a cystoscopy.  Not sure what happened to my font here but oh well...I tried to fix it.  Blah!!! 
Tangents are another thing you will see on my blog!!  Ha!!  Anyway, I am waiting to make the appointment for that.  It costs money that insurance will not cover all of so I am waiting to come up with that.  That will give a firm diagnosis of IC.  That doctor also decided to take me off of my anxiety medication all together and made me feel like I was beneath him.  This was a doctor in a clinic that I began to see during the time when I was uninsured.  I think his respect for women was a little non-existent.  I just saw a new doctor yesterday and was very pleased.  My 3 yr old was with me and he was very patient with her as she was climbing all over the place and kept chatting while he and I were talking about my condition and treatments.  I am laughing just thinking about it!  Silly Sophie.  That's her name.  You'll get to know her pretty well.  So the new doctor, who I will call Dr T., put me back on my anti anxiety medication and also added some things he thought would help with both conditions.  He gave me a prescription for lexapro, which is for depression and anxiety and works very well when combined with your regular anxiety medications.   He also gave me a strong anti-inflammatory which combined with the tramadol I have been on is supposed to work well.  So today is day 1 of this treatment route.  I guess I started this to keep track of how well the treatments are working and how I feel day to day.  Can't hurt right?  As I said, no one will read this I'm sure.  But if you do and you find it remotely interesting then thank you for reading and if you want to send any comments I think that you can.   Right?  You can comment on here, I assume.  This is all new to me.  
     By the way, I am 36.  I adore my kids and I'm going to post some pics of my family because I am proud of them and they are a part of me.  After all, this is designed to let you, any readers that may be out there, let you know about my life..."The Life of Lauren" :)